The Borowitz Report scooped other media sources Wednesday with its announcement that the new president of Iraq will be chosen by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and announced Jan. 16 at the 62nd annual awards ceremony.  --  Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld said he foresaw criticism, but commented:  "You choose a new Iraqi president with the awards ceremony you have, not the awards ceremony you might want." ...


The Borowitz Report's scoop on Monday: "Iran threw a monkey wrench into the ongoing negotiations over its nuclear program today, asking the European Union for permission to manufacture what it called 'teeny tiny nuclear weapons.'" ...

Who knew that David Brooks, prominent talking head and the neoconservative columnist who since Sept. 2003 has written a regular column on the New York Times op-ed page, could be so funny?  --  He should give up his clumsy attempts to intimidate dissent and try comedy full-time! ...