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COMMUNICATIONS TIPS FOR VIGILS AND OTHER PEACE EVENTS
By David Lambert

United for Peace of Pierce County
September 2007

A. Be "centered" or in balance yourself in respect to your attitude and emotions. It is important to be disciplined and in self-control. When challenged by others, you can do this with actions such as deep breathing, using calming "self-talk," taking a step back, and other similar actions to help maintain or regain composure.

B. Watch and observe the person you are communicating with carefully. Be aware of their bodily reactions and verbal tone. Also be aware of your feelings and if you have any fears, intuitive responses, anger, etc. Keep your eyes on the person at all times.

C. Talk a little lower than the person who is angry; they will more likely focus on listening to you. You and they both have a better chance of either staying in or regaining control.

D. Provide direct eye contact; keep clear separation between your words.

E. Do your best to really listen to the content and feeling level of what they are saying before you say anything about what you think/believe. Provide "validation" to the person's views; that you respect their concerns (this is important especially if you don't agree with their perspective). Certainly, if it seems appropriate, share your thoughts in a respectful manner and with self-control.

F. Complimenting the person in general or on a point they make is often useful and helps the person regain some control; it can be another way to validate what they are saying. It can help you also stay in self-control.

G. Empathize with the person who has lost a loved one, been through or going through losses or trying times. All human emotions are basically the same regardless of our belief systems; our needs are the same also. You may even want to say "I'm really sorry that you are going through this" or something similar. You may choose not to express your "point" or view other than express your concern for them.

H. Be honest and sincere in what your say. If you can't think of anything other than "I appreciate you sharing your thoughts" (if you can say this and mean it), this alone can be valuable.

I. If a person is demeaning, discounting, or derogatory of you in their language, you can ignore them or tell them you are not going to engage with them if they continue talking this way. You have a right to be respected also; this can likewise convey that you respect yourself.

J. When vigiling or elsewhere, be ready to help your fellow member who is communicating with a person who is angry. You might say something like: "Do you need any help." It is very o.k. and important also to ask or allow another member of your group to take over in communicating directly with a person if you think you cannot maintain your composure and self-discipline.

K. For people who are receptive to your position, have resources available to hand to them on ways they can become involved in the peace movement.