1.

I'M THE DECIDER
By Roddy McCorley

Daily Kos
April 18, 2006

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2006/4/18/185016/217

Well, it took me awhile, but I finally realized what "I'm the decider" reminds me of. It sounds like something a character in a Dr. Seuss book might say. So with apologies to the late Mr. Geisel, here is some idle speculation as to what else such a character might say:

I'm the decider.
I pick and I choose.
I pick among whats.
And choose among whos.

And as I decide
Each particular day,
The things I decide on
All turn out that way.

I decided on Freedom
For all of Iraq.
And now that we have it,
I'm not looking back.

I decided on tax cuts
That just help the wealthy,
And Medicare changes
That aren't really healthy.

And parklands and wetlands —
Who needs all that stuff?
I decided that none
Would be more than enough!

I decided that schools
All in all are the best
The less that they teach
And the more that they test.

I decided those wages
You need to get by,
Are much better spent
On some CEO guy.

I decided your Wade
Which was versing your Roe,
Is terribly awful
And just has to go.

I decided that levees
Are not really needed.
Now when hurricanes come
They can come unimpeded.

That old Constitution?
Well, I have decided —
As "just goddam paper"
It should be derided.

I've decided gay marriage
Is icky and weird.
Above all other things,
It's the one to be feared.

And Cheney and Rummy
And Condi all know
That I'm the Decider —
They tell me it's so.

I'm the Decider
So watch what you say,
Or I may decide
To have you whisked away.

Or I'll tap your phones.
Your e-mail I'll read.
'Cause I'm the Decider —
Like Jesus decreed.

Yes, I'm the Decider!
The finest alive!
And I'm nuking Iran —
Now watch this drive!

(Now that I think about it, Dr. Seuss anticipated this administration pretty well when he wrote Yertle the Turtle.)