The First Lady surprised the guests at the White House Correspondents' Dinner Saturday evening by snatching the microphone away from her husband and stealing the show with lines like "I am married to the President of the United States and here is our typical evening. Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep, and I am watching Desperate Housewives. With Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentleman, I am a desperate housewife," and "George always says that he's delighted to come to these press dinners. Baloney. He's usually in bed by now. I'm not kidding. I said to him the other day, George, if you really want to end tyranny in the world, you're going to have to stay up later." ...
FIRST WIFE SWAPPER: LAURA BUSH STEALS THE SHOW AT WH CORRESPONDENTS' DINNER
Wonkette
April 30, 2005
Original source: Wonkette
After grabbing the mike from her husband at the White House Correspondents Dinner, First Lady Laura Bush proceeded to deliver a monologue that was edgier than what the night's headliner, Cedric the Entertainer, would ultimately attempt. Mother-in-law jokes, Desperate Housewives references, tales of strip club debauchery, and a zinger about the time George gave a hand-job to a horse. Choice excerpts:
"I am married to the President of the United States and here is our typical evening. Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep, and I am watching Desperate Housewives. With Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentleman, I am a desperate housewife. I mean if those women on that show think they're desperate, they ought to be with George. One night after George went to bed, Lynne Cheney, Condi Rice, Karen Hughes and I went to Chippendales. . . . I won't tell you what happened, but Lynne's Secret Service code name is now Dollar Bill."
"George always says that he's delighted to come to these press dinners. Baloney. He's usually in bed by now. I'm not kidding. I said to him the other day, George, if you really want to end tyranny in the world, you're going to have to stay up later."
"The amazing thing is that George and I were just meant to be. I was a librarian who spent 12 hours a day in the library, yet somehow I met George."
"People often wonder what my mother-in-law is really like. People think she's a sweet, grandmotherly Aunt Bee type. She's actually more like Don Corleone."
"I'm proud of George. He's learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What's worse, it was a male horse."
"George's answer to any problem at the ranch is to cut it down with a chainsaw. Which I think is why he and Cheney and Rumsfeld get along so well."
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